... And he told me to use it for anal sex.

This is not made up. This is the hard, firm truth, pun intended.

I went to a book reading/signing with ~SL33PY-C47's mom because ~SL33PY-C47's mom is very very awesome-possum to the max. The book store had this weird system for when everyone was supposed to get in line and who went first I'm not gonna get into it it broke a lot of people's brains. Then I went up and got two books signed. He asked me how old I was, I told him, and he asked me to wait for the bookstore employee lady to come back from the drug store so I could get a condom. It's Sedaris's way of thanking his teenage audience members for skipping out on sex, drugs, and late-night mischief to go see a middle-aged man read a book in a bookstore. He also drew pictures in my books. In When You Are Engulfed in Flames, he drew:

(a condom) + (a picture of a butt from the side) = one fun summer

This made me laugh hysterically.
In Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, he drew a cat. This, too, made me laugh hysterically, as it vaguely resembled the pictures of cats I drew when I was five.

Anyway, that happened a while ago. But it was immense fun.

Also, no, I'm not going to use the condom. By the time I'll have use for it it'll be past the expiration date (because I'm pretty sure those things can expire).

In other news, my dad finally talked me into letting him buy me an iPhone. The reason I didn't want one before was because I knew I would end up glued to it. I was right. I now hate myself more than usual, but I'll get over it. I usually do.

Speaking of self-hate, my cat (Harley this time, not Pootie) scratched me. This is all in a day's work for me, but it's right on my wrist. It looks like I tried to kill myself, but I didn't. I was trying to stop Harley from landing on my face with all sets of claws at the ready. Being the self-conscious semi-paranoid semi-wreck that I am, I'm now terrified of running into someone from school who'll see this, and then arriving on the first day of school only to be dragged off to the psych ward of a hospital. I know it's far-fetched, I don't care. Leave me alone with my irrational fears. That's what summer is for.



Oh, and Mahar and Thom Clarence or whatever the hell you call yourself now; I just got the new Wilco CD (actually my dad got it but oh well). Do you guys have it or shall I burn some copies? I've only listened to a couple tracks so far, but I like what I've heard so far.